Conquer The Monkey

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

What Type of Person You Really Are.

Image by NapaneeGal via Flickr

What Type of Person You Really Are.

I never knew what a relief it could be to know what "type" of person I really am.

I believe I know what type of person people think I am. I know what type of person I can be when I need to be as I'm fairly adaptable to situations.

But in all my life, I never realized that what I really am is an INTROVERT.

While nobody has ever described me as an introvert, based on reading the tenets of being an Introvert based on a post from Herding Cats,
it turns out I am....
an introvert in an extrovert's clothing!

Herding Cats sights these characteristics of an introvert:

* An introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness.

* An introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Things that can stress introverts:

* Introverts are territorial. Someone cannot take your seat, move your stuff, lean on your desk, ignore your closed door or borrow your clothes without making you very angry.

* Introverts need time alone to recharge their batteries. If denied time alone, you may become irritable and depressed.

* Introverts value privacy. When your boundaries are disregarded, when someone has a loud personal conversation on their cell phone in your captive presence, such as waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store, you can be annoyed and offended.

* Introverts fear failure in public and experience deep humiliation because of it.

* Introverts prefer to communicate in writing. They may feel exhausted by too much verbal communication that “isn’t going anywhere”. Introverts hate small talk and cell phones.

THANK YOU HERDING CATS

The Monkey Fits them ALL !

Turns out that just because I'm outgoing in a crowd (when in the mood or need to be OR if I'm nervous I 100% Fake it), am good at public speaking and have a busy social schedule, I still am an introvert.

Strange relief occurs in knowing what I really am.

Monkey Readers: Are you an introvert???

Check out these tantalizing posts!
Relationship Reconnect
Trust Your Instincts & Save Your Life

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Monday, February 8, 2010

Living With Integrity

Living With Integrity.

Synopsis: Inspired by an email from a reader in Northern California a few months back wondering where role models can be found in today's media driven world.

Monkey's Advice: Do not look up to people propped up in the media. Instead look for people in your life that live with integrity to look up to and guide you.
Read On..........

From Anonymous in Northern California:

What advice do you have about finding good role models for kids, or even adults these days? It is so hard to find good role models in this media driven society.
- Anonymous

Dear Anonymous:

Role Models can be found where you least expect it. The number one characteristic to look for is Integrity.

Integrity is "defined" in the dictionary as a firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values. But, you don't need Merriam Websters to tell you what the word means. In our modern culture integrity embodies a person who lives their life to a certain standard that others deem honest and trustworthy. You want someone with integrity by your side when you need a confidante, advice, when the chips are down, to go into business with, to be your friend or significant other - and you certainly want to be viewed as someone with integrity.

Someone with integrity does the right thing, even when nobody is watching and nobody will know about it. They do things not for the glory, but simply because it's the right thing to do. It is difficult to find role models in the public eye that fulfill this integrity tenet.

When you read the newspaper, magazines, or turn on the T.V. it is commonplace to hear about politicians being crooks, philanderers, or hypocrites, record breaking athletes tainted by the use of steroids, or even celebrities, who are fawned over and glamorized, ending up in rehab, cheating on or beating their spouse, or pimping out their kids for PR.

None of these people demonstrate integrity in these acts, nor should those actions be admired. Nonetheless, these are often the people propped up for our consumption by the media. In general, do not depend on politicians, athletes or celebrities as your role models. Your ideal role model will unlikely be someone under the media microscope.

Understand what it means to live with integrity and, if you can, find someone in your life, a friend, a sister, a brother, a cousin, or even your own parent to look to as a role model. If your common sense doesn't automatically lead you to an integrity based decision, ask yourself what your mentor or role model would do in that same scenario.

Everyone - the Monkey writer included - can and should strive for more integrity in our day to day living. Make things less about our own selfish desires and more about what is right for the greater good in any given situation. A little integrity could go a long way in today's world.

Use this as your guide and you might just find you already have a role model to look up to.

Let us know your thoughts and good luck!
Conquer The Monkey.

Monkey Readers:
Do you have a mentor or a role model in your personal or professional life?
Are you a mentor or role model to someone else?
Do you have Advice for Anonymous?

Email me your questions or topics or simply comment here!
Conquerthemonkey@hotmail.com

Read these Spicy Posts!
Seasons & Change
Motivational Quote of the Day by Arthur Ashe

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Friday, February 5, 2010

What You Need vs. What You Want

Image by Maggie T via Flickr

What You Need vs. What You Want

Monkey's Quick Synopsis:
Vexed wants advice on how to curb her pack rat lifestyle.
Monkey's Advice:
Go through the house and pretend you are moving so you can rid of all things not totally necessary! Read On......

Email Question from Vexed in Maryland:

I'm not what you call a "hoarder" like you see on those T.V. shows, but I definitely have some pack rat in me. It really bothers my boyfriend and I would like to attempt to simplify my "stuff" and hopefully my life! Advice Please!?
- Vexed in Maryland

Dear Vexed in Maryland:

I can related to the pack rat theme that permeates your life.

From one pack rat to another, I can tell you that you will feel lighter and more clear headed if you start narrowing down your stash.

Example: as you might have read I just finished up a cross country move. I had to live for a few weeks with the most BASIC of necessities in my kitchen and my closet while I waited for the movers to drive cross country.

At first it seemed annoying, daunting, and impossible to live like that. Then, after a few days I felt refreshed when I'd open my closet and see my very few options. I found it was much easier to put myself together, and the things I had I really liked so I didn't have to weed through the various random pieces I'd been clinging to for years.

When the movers called to schedule their arrival, I actually dreaded the fact that all my "stuff" was arriving. I'd grown to love the simple and bare necessities living. Who knew?

Monkey's Advice:
Why not go room by room and "pretend" that YOU are relocating. Think about all the stuff you don't want to deal with lugging around from place to place. Go through and pick out the things that you truly adore, and actually wear / utilize. The rest - give to one of the many lovely charities out there.

If you don't have the heart to do it, get an unbiased and honest friend over to help you. I think you will find your mind, body and spirit less weighed down - and your boyfriend will love you for it!

Happy Cleaning!
-Conquer The Monkey

Monkey Readers: Are YOU a pack rat? If Not, How do YOU Stay organized???

Email me your vexing dilemma or leave it here in the comments! Conquerthemonkey@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

At the Stroke of Midnight Genius Strikes?

Image via Wikipedia

At the Stroke of Midnight Genius Strikes?

When do you get your best ideas?
Your greatest flashes of inspiration?
Solutions to your vexing dilemmas?

The stroke of midnight?
Under the warm drops of the shower?
During Church?
While nestling on the porcelain throne?

Everybody has a different method to their solution madness whether the issue is a design concept, a home decorating idea - relationship issues - sky is the limit. I really want to know - when and where do your ideas strike?

For me, it's mostly at 3 a.m., I wake up, head filled with thoughts, and if I don't write them down I will a) not get any sleep, and b) forget the best part of the idea by morning.

Monkey Readers: When & where do you do your best thinking???

Email me your vexing dilemmas or topic ideas to Conquerthemonkey@hotmail.com

CHECK OUT THESE SPICY POSTS:
Tiger Woods Fall From Grace
The Mind of a Man

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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Bridging The Divide - Relationship Reconnect.

Image via Wikipedia

Bridging The Divide - Relationship Reconnect.

Vexing Dilemma From Reader Lindsey in Texas (via email).

Dear Monkey Blog:

I am new to your site and wanted to get your advice. My husband and I have been married for about 7 years. Recently I feel like our lives are so hectic with kids, work, LIFE that we are not talking as much or spending quality time together - basically we are not "connecting." It makes me feel insecure and strange and I'm not sure if he feels the same. Do you have any thoughts on how we can reconnect??
- Disconnected in TX.

Dear Disconnected:

First of all, give yourself credit for being aware enough of your emotions to ask for some advice before you reach the point of no return or the problem becomes much larger than it needs to be.

All relationships - no matter how strong - go through highs and lows. The biggest challenge is not how you react during the highs - but what you do to respond during the lows.

Men do not always feel disconnected when you do - so your husband might not be feeling the same thing. Especially if he is stressed out with work - some men can get singularly focused especially if they are the providing type and feel they need to "fix" that situation before all else. However, even if your husband isn't feeling the great disconnect, if YOU are feeling it - the matter needs to be addressed sooner than later.

Above all else, keep your emotions as even and calm as possible.

First, take some quiet time by yourself to really narrow down what is bothering you and why you are feeling disconnected as well as what it would take to make you feel bonded again. Once you have narrowed that down, wait for the right time (TIMING IS EVERYTHING WITH THESE CONVERSATIONS!) to have a very calm and somewhat casual conversation.

*Do NOT have the conversation when you have been up all night tossing and turning and worried as you will be hyper emotional and those conversations are just not very productive.

Calmly tell your husband how much you love him and that lately because life has been so busy you are feeling a bit disconnected. Do not put blame on him - but instead be accountable where you can too (you don't want him to get defensive). Let him know how you are feeling, and let him know some things that might help (that are realistic) you to feel reconnected.

Second, do not put the burden entirely on your husband. Remember, if he's not feeling the same disconnect, he might be a bit confused by this. Try to take responsibility and initiative on your own. Ask him to go on a walk with you and the dog. Set aside a few minutes to do something fun together. Set up a date night and get into the romance (often we can lead by example!) Hopefully he will also realize that he has missed you and start picking up the effort level as well.

Third, The Art of EMPATHY! Try to step into his shoes and see the situation from his point of view. This will help you communicate better with him and avoid the pitfalls that can happen with members of the opposite sex (ie: where the man feels attacked, or that you are being critical even if that is not your intent). If you know he is feeling super stressed about work - or even being unemployed and looking or work - acknowledge and validate his feelings so he knows you are on the same team. Remind him - subtly - that you are a team and that he is not alone. This could in and of itself help alleviate some of the issue.

Most of all, do not let the disconnect go on - you want to address it and give it the proper tone early on so that it doesn't turn into a much bigger ordeal. This isn't something to fight about as that will only add to the feeling of division and create more isolation.

If everything else is strong with your marriage, these simple steps could really help!

Good luck and please keep us posted!
Conquer The Monkey

MONKEY READERS: WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR "DISCONNECTED IN TEXAS?" How do You reconnect with your significant other?

Email me your vexing dilemmas to: Conquerthemonkey@hotmail.com OR simply post them in the comments here (YOU CAN REMAIN ANONYMOUS IF YOU WANT!!!)

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Monday, February 1, 2010

Seasons and Change.

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Seasons and Change.

A hearty virtual hug and a how do you do Monkey Readers!

Oh, and why, hello February - how did you get here so fast???

I have been M.I.A. for longer than anticipated but finally -
The Manhattan (NYC) to Manhattan Beach Move is over.
I have missed you all and your witty commentary
Missed the daily interaction.

It's funny how change can really take us off kilter for a time - it is inevitable in the face of big life changes...

With change comes new seasons pregnant with the possibility of bright beginnings.
The opportunity to start anew, to cleanse, to exfoliate, to replenish, to leave far behind the things that troubled you - at least until the boxes are unpacked and they all come crashing back to you.

Change is often troubling and stressful. Waking up and wondering where your socks are. Running into the walls at night as you go to the bathroom because you forget where you are. Having no idea what the weather is like, or what to wear. Not knowing the paths to take your dog on a walk, and not having creature comforts like your coffee maker, your bed, your favorite robe or jammies.

You lie there on your air mattress and the feeling of exhaustion overtakes your body but yet you can't sleep because there is too much to do. When the move is a cross country one, the torment and possibility drags on so much longer - weeks of packing leading up, then the stress of the move -- flying with animals, leaving your spouse behind to deal with movers and waiting two weeks for your "life" and worldly possessions to arrive. and so it goes on and on.

When the change is exactly what you'd hoped for - maybe you should get less of a pass to feel angst and pangs of distress, and in fact, you don't feel them nearly as much as when you moved to a place you didn't want to go, but still. The change overcomes you, even though you know it's what you want, you will always long for something from the former - always miss things that can't be duplicated in your new reality. There is no such thing as utopia, nothing ever fits perfectly into the cookie cutter white picket fence, and it would be so boring if it did.

Most of all, unless someone has been through the same, like all things in life, they have no sense of either empathy or understanding. They see the world through their narrowly self focused glasses and question your movements and moods, which is pretty annoying.

But, in the end, like all change, if you embrace it it will bring good to you. It may not seem obvious depending on the situation, but as someone who has moved every 2 years since I was 17, I know that in the long run the change is both defining and fulfilling. It allows you to fill in the outlines of your life with vibrant color adding bold depth to your soul.

With the new year and the new home I am also anticipating a new life. Not only my new life, but the life of our baby due in May. For all of this change, and that which continues to grow inside me and make me feel only 1/4 human most days - I am thankful and blessed, but I am acutely aware of all the chaos that floats around me right now, and am doing my best to ground the little demons of chaos and create as much peace as I can so that I can move forward with the new world, new baby, new blog and career opportunities.

There is much to be thankful for. I am here safe and sound, and I am slowly getting back to writing and getting back to YOU.

All of us go through change in life - moves, jobs, deaths, births, weddings, divorce, friends, pets, LIFE. It never ends - this cycle of life, and so whenever possible, if we can just embrace it and look for the flecks of diamond in the rough, we will prevail. And on the bad days we especially need to remind ourselves that the darkest hours will fade and light is on the other side -- closer than we could possibly know.

Please email me, or comment here with your questions, comments, thoughts and topics. 2010 is going to be a spectacular year!

Conquerthemonkey@hotmail.com

Monday, December 28, 2009

New Year, New State, New Home, New Life!

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New Year, New State, New Home, New Life!

Hi Monkey Readers!

I hope everyone had a great week and you are gearing up for a festive and happy New Years Eve!

Since we don't have family in NYC we spent our final NYC Christmas having a great lunch at the Sea Grill that overlooks the famous Ice Rink & Tree at Rockefeller Center.

It was a truly NYC experience, jam packed with tourists and locals alike, the tree glittering in all its glory and hundreds of people waiting their turn to take a spin on the ice rink.

Now, Christmas is over, New Years Eve rapidly approaches, and for us this means we need to finish packing up our NYC Apartment and gear up for the movers next week. Once again, we are going from Manhattan to Manhattan (Manhattan NYC to Manhattan Beach, California).

As stressful as moves inevitably are no matter how far you are moving or how much stuff you have, we are very excited for the next chapter of life. With much change comes many open ended possibilities, and while change can also be stressful, thankfully, we are eager for the next round life has to offer.

I have many many posts I want to finish and get up for you but I'm not sure how much I'll be able to squeeze in this hectic week.

For those that can bear with me during this transition I promise to bring lots of material your way in 2010! I am so thankful for my readers, followers & subscribers and hope you all have a fantastic new year! To my fellow Bloggers, I promise to be back and chirping away on your blogs as soon as I can!

In the meantime I will attempt to chime in a few times in the next two weeks, but if I am unable to do that, please know that I am sending you all wishes for a happy healthy and hopeful 2010!!!!

WITH MUCH MONKEY LOVE FROM MY HOME TO YOURS!
Cameron
Conquerthemonkey@hotmail.com