Scheduled Sex

Scheduled Sex.


On a warm summer night I was on a date with my husband at a sushi place near the beach.  I received the emergency "girl summit" text that read "I need to get out of here, who can meet for a cocktail."


This type of text is to be expected and anticipated amongst the close knit mommy crowd. Once in awhile a sistah needs a break from her little angels and a drink.


I was on date night, so it would normally be hideously inappropriate to break protocol and leave husband behind to make the girl summit, but husband was super cool about it, and since I've never peeled off from a date night, husband was game.  He even squired me to the summit.  Great guy.  I'm truly lucky.


Only three of us gals made it to the summit on such short notice, but as we sat drinking our cocktails on a rooftop bar, the girls were all lamenting.  Life, motherhood, husbands, in-laws, work, looking for any kind of balance at all, or even some semblance of what was the fun relationship we all once had with our husbands.  Everyone at the summit still loves and has fun with their husbands, but now that everyone has kids, pets, jobs, we realized that priorities get jumbled.  For some, not just at this summit but in general, feelings of being overwhelmed get confused for "hating" or resenting ones spouse at times.  


We traded off giving one another advice, sharing stories and so on, and as we were about to order another round, the ring leader of the girls' summit looked at her watch and said, "Nah, I have to get home."  WHAT? You called this summit??? You can't just bail.  
"Yeah, I have to.  I have scheduled sex."


I had never in my life heard of such a thing, or not from anyone in our circle of friends. 


Scheduled Sex.


Sure, it lacks luster in many ways.  There is no spontaneity, there are perhaps times it feels a bit forced, but the truth is, in marriage, when there are a daunting number of priorities hanging over your head and the ability to properly prioritize them is nearly impossible when children emergencies spring up all the time, perhaps it is the one thing that can salvage a relationship while the children are still very young.


Perhaps.


I have a theory that you do sort of have to resign yourself that when you have young kids you are going to trade out the specific relationship you had with your husband for something totally new.  Nobody tells you that you are going to trade that out for a completely different relationship, but that is what happens.  I think you have to find a way to get back on the same team, the same page, salvage the romance - even if it means scheduling it - or you might find yourself in a sinking ship.  Children are the most wonderful blessings on Earth, but they also - to raise properly - take practically every ounce of energy and soul you have in yourself.  That in itself combined with the realities that life has to offer means that most relationships will be challenged.  Not that they will be broken, but they will be challenged, and some will in fact be broken - especially if in denial about the new reality that children bring.


I think once your kids get older and more independent, you get your second chance at that first kind of love and relationship you had.  Only, if you can make it that long - it'll be even better because you've basically been through some type of emotional war together in raising children.  


I see a lot of friends' marriages struggle in the early years of their children.  I totally get it.  It's so hard to be a parent, on top of everything else in your life.  


So, maybe my friend was onto something, and maybe scheduling sex is - in the interim - the best way to keep the love alive during your children's young years.


What do you think Monkey readers?  
How do you juggle marriage and children?  
Did having children hinder your marriage, even if only for a little while?


Keep conquering that monkey one day at a time
xo
Cameron