Soul Mate Expiration Date

Soul Mate Expiration Date 
(a previous popular post - thought I'd reshare)


When I was in high school, college and even law school, I never really thought much about the idea of finding a "soul mate." To be honest, I felt pretty certain that I'd never get married because I believed you either have a big career or a family - that both were not possible. (I no longer believe this by the way).

I never really worried about it, as I never depended on having a boyfriend to feel complete, happy, or validated. I am and was a genuinely independent person. Sure I had a few long term boyfriends, but looking back, had I married any one of them it would have been a complete disaster and I'd undoubtedly be divorced by now.

I feel very blessed (on a daily basis) that completely out of the blue I did end up meeting someone who I believe is my soul mate when I was in my late 20's. We got married when I was 30, which for me, was the perfect age to get married. Any younger and I just don't think it would have worked out because the timing would have been terrible and I definitely wouldn't have been willing to "compromise" my schedule then.

I know that many people - even married folks or folks with life partners - don't necessarily believe in soul mates and that is ok, I don't have any real proof that they exist other than I know that I'm married to the only person who is completely right for me.

Even if you don't believe in soul mates, most people believe there is a person or two out there in theworld that they'd be compatible to spend their lives with. I believe that for sure. But over the past few years, I noticed a trend. So many men and women I know in their 30's and 40's are single (at least in the larger cities where I have been living for the past decade plus).

I know many women in the 35 plus range who are the "full package" and they have not married. By full package I mean they are beautiful, smart, fun, funny, good careers, solid values. No real chink in their armour if you will. Sure, they could have settled and married the "wrong" guy, but they stuck to their standards and have held out for the "right guy" (even though I suspect it can be annoying to see many of their friends having babies, and constantly asking them about their love lives, that would annoy me anyway).

While most of these gals don't talk about it too often (to me anyway), I suspect they wonder what the hell is going on and why haven't they found "the right" one. (I also know many males that are single in in the 35 plus range and some are genuinely looking for the right person, but some I believe are commitment phobic so we'll discuss them another day.)

It's hard to tell a woman age 35 plus that "you will meet the right guy" "it's a matter of time" "you are a catch" because coming from me, married and really happy, it probably sounds like a line, or a load of b.s.

The truth is, I believe those "lines." I don't believe there is a soul mate expiration date.In fact, a great example is someone very close to me who is in her early 40's and is getting married for the first time very soon. She too could have settled for someone not up to snuff back in her 20's or 30's, but she listened to her gut and knew that it wouldn't end well with those past boyfriends. I think it is spectacular that she had the confidence to snub social pressures and wait for the right guy - regardless of a number! 

If I were asked for advice (and I'd love to believe I'd give the exact same advice even if I were single because this is the philosophy I lived by while single) my advice would be the following FOUR things. These tenets apply to any woman who is single (whether never been married, or gone through a split from an earlier marriage).

• 1. Live your life as full as you can so that you are independently fulfilled & happy.
• 2. Do whatever it takes to truly learn to "like" and hopefully "love" your self. It is an impossible task to hope that someone else will love you if you don't even like you!
• 3. To keep an open mind, and open heart.
• 4. To know exactly what it is that is "right" for you in a mate. Look back on what did and did not work in past relationships. Think about what would work with your life and your personality now. WRITE down the qualities you are looking for in a partner, then put it in a drawer tucked away (you want it to be etched into your subconscious, not to obsess over it)

A year and a half before I met my husband - I went through a hideous break up that should have happened years before. I was so disgusted by the bad choices I had made in dating this person for so long that I vowed not to date for at least a year so I could really evaluate what I wanted in someone else (at that point not even thinking husband). I remember sitting in my new apartment in Santa Monica, California waiting for furniture to be delivered and I made a list in a notebook of all the qualities I was looking for (from the surface to the spiritual to education).

I put the list away in a drawer and frankly forgot about it. But the thing is - all of those qualities were now burned somewhere in my subconscious so that when the "right" person came along a little "ding ding ding" sound would alarm in my head. OR when I'd meet guys who had "red flags" I would recognize it and abandon ship as soon as possible.

Fast forward to when I met my now husband, I didn't realize he fit all of the things on my compatibility list at first, but he eventually FOUND that list when we were packing up my stuff to move in together (after getting engaged). It was super embarrassing at first, until I realized it was really a written description of him (not physically, but of his personality, character, values etc.)

That is a super duper cheesy story, but it's 100% true.

I don't expect every person will follow the same path, but I do believe that if you follow the bullet points above and you truly do want to be in a healthy and compatible relationship, you will find it.

There is, in this girl's opinion, No such thing as a Soul Mate Expiration Date.

What do the Monkey Readers Think? Is it ever too late for true love? Do you have a soul mate story? Or do you think Soul Mates are a croc?